Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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