break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
