thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
