He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
