Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
