can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
