I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
