i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
