I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
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My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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