Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
