when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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