Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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