My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
