Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
