Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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