I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
