do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
