Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
