everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
