The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
