I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
