So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
