yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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