pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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