2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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