Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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