so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
