I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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