I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
