He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
