how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
