I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's official drugs can't kill me
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
