Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i drank out of a bidet.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
