talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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