what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
