So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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