How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
