Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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