i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
