There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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