she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
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And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
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You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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