"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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