Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
