If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
