You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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