i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
