Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
