May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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