as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize