mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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