he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just cropdusted the office
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
