Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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