I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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