I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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