dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
