you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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