Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
