Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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