once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
