Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
