you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
false alarm, still single
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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