Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
