I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
