i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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