Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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