i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
