carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
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Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
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I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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